birdsandthebees's Blog

Not Good Enough

I honestly thought this time would be different. I thought maybe, just maybe, i could have a chance to be with you. But it was a horrible, make believe idea. Im no Cinderella, and youre deffinately no Prince Charming. In my mind i thought that it would be some magical fairy tale and you'd come sweeping me off my feet, i waited so long for you to give me the slightest piece of your mind, and still nothing. Well, I believe I have an answer.
Here it is:
ONE- Youre unsure of your own feelings. You dont want to be in a relationship because youre afraid I would be like everyone else youve been with, you dont know whether or not to just go with it or gaurd yourself from being hurt. I really dont think this is the case but id like to think it is.

TWO- Youre just an asshole who wants some pussy and will fake any and everything to get some. (this is the more believable of the two conclusions) I trusted that this time would be different, and its the same failure all over again.

You used me, you took advantage, and you didnt even say that you were sorry. I have done so much for you the past months, things that i probably shouldnt have done, but it was to impress you, and obviously you werent very impressed. You didnt give a shit and you still dont give one now. So here I am, just sitting on my balcony writing this dumb blog because i cant talk to you about it, you wont speak to me. Ill bask in these tears of mine until theyre dry and ill forget about you for a while.

My "To Do" list...

1. Invent something useful.

2. Fall in love with a great guy, who will still love me when my vagina stops working.

3. Fly a kite. (Actually get it off the ground)

4. Sleep under the stars.

5. Go to Waffle House at 4 O'Clock in the morning, drunk.

6. Swim in the Pacific Ocean.

7. Bake cookies with my "love."

8. Learn to play guitar.

9. Tell everyone how i honestly feel about them.

10. Learn to ice fish with an Eskimo.

11. Wake up an actually make my bed.

12. Dance/Sing/Kiss in the rain. (Any of those!)

13. Meet Fernando Torres (I have my reasons, lol.)

14. Paint my nails yellow.

15. Pay for a strangers dinner.

16. Visit California.

17. Have REAL italian ice from ITALY!

18. Get a pet elephant and name him Clifford.

19. Paint a MASTERPIECE.

20. Move to Canada.

21. Cuddle next to a fire.

22. Catch a shooting star. (or at least see one and make a wish, that will suffice.)

23. Make a Vlog.

24. Learn all there is to know about drag.

25. Re-live an old memory.

26. Get white-girl wasted.

27. Find my brother.

28. Fix my head light.

29. Veg out with my best friend and listen to nothing but Backstreet boys.

30. Attend a FIFA world cup.

31. Get skinner.

32. Raise a puppy.

33. Dont drink tea for a week. (im addicted.)

34. Forget the past.

35. Get somebody out of my "league."

36. Learn to Dougie.

37. Plant a tree.

38. Spend a whole paycheck on thrift shopping and sweaters.

39. Ask my grandma to stop drinking.

40. Throw a surprise party.

 to be continued.....


To Be Honest: Youre fake

To Be Honest: I bet you lied

To Be Honest: You arent worth my time

To Be Honest: You made a bad choice

To Be Honest: I wish you knew how I felt

To Be Honest: I hate how this makes me cry, and it shouldnt

To Be Hoenst: I dont like you right now

To Be Honest: I trusted you

To Be Honest: Youre Uk-ing dumb

To Be Honest: I hope youre happy

To Be Honest: Your breath stinks sometimes

To Be Honest: You were my bestfriend

To Be Honest: Your game sucks

To Be Honest: I cant believe i believed you

To Be Honest: I can find better

To Be Honest: Youre a hypocrite

To Be Honest: You arent smooth

To Be Honest: I dont want to end up hating you

To Be Honest: I took a risk, and it blew up in my face

To Be Honest: I actlike it doesnt bother me

To Be Honest: Your mixed signals fucking suck

The worst part is, is that if another opertunity came.. id probably accept it. :/

A letter to my next love

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you’re falling in love with….

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. The way I over think and analyze words, how my mind is always a mess, how sometimes I’m really boring, and how I feel alone all the time. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my slightly vulgar opinions on certain issues, my tendency to be a bit too clingy. You’ll fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I long for belonging. My doubts and negative attitude towards things, striving to be perfect, even if that isn’t enough. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you. The way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you that I hope your day goes well. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, my witty words of wisdom, my complete nonsense and imaginative views of the world. My love for compassion and knowledge, my plans for the future, My taste in everyday casualties. My creative ways of showing you how much I care, and how I’d do nearly any and everything for the people I love. The way my face dimples on only one side, the way I’m always thinking to myself, my laugh, and finally the way my cheeks glow red when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me for who I am, despite all my “tragic” flaws and thinking that this is all nearly impossible.

In all of my confusing endeavors you should know that everything I say is the whole truth. The Lord only knows how this affection will turn to be, but right now I’d say its close to perfect. My feelings and emotions are very sensitive and let lose easily, you’ll never have a problem with figuring out what I’m thinking or contemplating. I want all my dreams to come true, like every girl. I am a very complex individual and I need someone who can fulfill my needs, and I can do the same. If you are the one then we should let this develop this naturally, no time to look backwards. I’m always looking forwards and never receding. I look towards the future and always believe. I will never give up on you, as long as you do the same. Give love a try and patients will do us nice.  

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Previous Posts
Not Good Enough, posted November 25th, 2012
My "To Do" list..., posted October 6th, 2012
TBH, posted January 15th, 2011
A letter to my next love, posted January 12th, 2011, 5 comments

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